Aku Nak Berhenti Kerja

Oleh kerana gua telah dipaksa dan diperas ugut untuk menyambung cerita berantai dari seorang bapa dan merangkap suami, Irwan, lalu entry ini diciptakan. Walaupun hidup gua sekarang amat bercelaru dan terumbang-ambing kerana anak-anak ayam gua sudah dewasa dan bukan lagi anak-anak seperti dahulu kala. tetapi gua gagahkan jua. Maka dengan rasa terpaksa dan hormatnya gua akan menyambung cerita beliau. Nak buat macam mana kan. Kita budak-budak kena la hormati mereka yang lebih berusia. Dan yang lebih berusia pulak kena la ingat, respect is earned not given. Ini sambungannya.

Irwan

Ada orang tengah nak buang bangkai tauke dia jugak cam aku. Lalu aku tegur lelaki tersebut sambil bertanya beliau adakah beliau sudah makan. Beliau pun menjawab dengan nada suka hati sambil memberitahu bahawa dia sudah pun makan. Maka kami membakar mayat tauke kami secara berjemaah ala pembunuhan kejam Sosilawati Lawiya. Sebelom itu sempat juga aku kebas beberapa keping kad kredit platinum dan berbagai wang dari seluruh pelusuk dunia milik tauke-tauke berkenaan. Selesai sahaja pembakaran yang berbau seperti kacang tanah digoreng, aku pulang bersama lelaki berkenaan. Time inilah aku sempat bertanya nama beliau. Berikut adalah dialog yang berlangsung antara kami berdua.

"Nama apa bang?"

"Najib" jawab beliau yang turut membawa isteri beliau yang berambut kembang seperti singa. 

"Kenapa bunuh tauke tadi bang?" tanyaku sambil takut-takut kerana sedang di jeling manje oleh si rambut kembang.

"Biasalah. Dia degil tak dengar cakap siapa suruh. Dia tu boneka abang je. Abang ni yang tauke. Kau pulak?"

"Semua kerana kapitalis babi lupa diri yang rezeki itu bukan hak mereka semata-mata"

"Abang paham. Abang paham. Abang kapitalis juga, tapi kapitalis baik hati. Kena ingat yang niat tak menghalalkan cara" Balas beliau sambil membuat muka dungu dengan lagak brader-brader.

"Saya baru perasan. Nama abang macam Perdana Menteri Malaysia la. Abang jangan la pulak cakap nama bapak abang Tun Razok" Aku menukar topik kerana malas melayan si dungu yang jahil.

"Haa, tu bapak gua la tu. Adik ni tak perasan ke abang la yang selalu masuk RTM3 tu. Tu yang dekat belakang abang tu laki abang la. Cute tak die?" jawab beliau sambil bermuka bangga dan riak.

"Cute bang. Cute sangat-sangat. Mencanak adik saya ni walaupun penat membunuh tadi" jawabku untuk mengambil hati beliau moga-moga dapat tender sekolah.

"Bedebah punya budak! Laki aku tu! Yang, cekik dia. Kita C4 je budak ni" Jerit beliau.

"Bereh bereh" jawab si perempuan berambut kembang hodoh yang duduk di belakang sambil tersenyum kegirangan.


Akhirnye aku bukan sahaja berhenti bekerja. Aku juga berhenti bernyawa. Sekian.


# Mana ada kapitalis baik hati. Tunjuk sini bukti!

raar

Awkward Moment: Silent Sex

Let me continue with this series of Awkward Moment. This time I'm not the person who live in the awkward situation. This is a story of my best friend who has undergo a very awkward moment toward his girlfriend and his friends. In the name of Friends Official Secret Act, I'm just going to name him as Mike. So, what kind of awkward situation have Mike been into?

It started when Mike went to a club and partying with his bunch of friends together with his new girlfriend. Club as you all know is a place to socialise and to score chicks. Mike was the only guy who bring girlfriend to the club among his friends. So he was excluded from socialising with other chicks. To keep it short, they're drunk, full of adrenalin and obviously horny. Apparently, nobody score any chick and they headed back to their apartment. Mike was hoping to get laid that night. So by bringing his new girlfriend home would be a nice way to realise his dream. By the way, this is so not gang raping rempit-like. This is all about satisfying each other needs.

Grrr...

So bla bla bla and bla bla bla. After foreplay and everything, they were experiencing sexual activities. But Mike girlfriend unfortunately make him became uncomfortable. She was making a very loud noise that should not be heard by any others. The pleasant-sound-to-men-ears that suppose to be heard within 2 metres radius have become a noise that can be heard within 15 metres radius. The sounds that could mistakenly assume as from somebody being abuse or torture. Furthermore, could you imagine the sounds is being made from an apartment.

Mike is a damn shy person. So he keep reminding his girlfriend to not obviously telling people that they were having sex. He didn't want his friend to tease him the next day. But his girlfriend was a really stubborn or maybe she can't handle what Mike have. Enough is enough for Mike. So Mike just stopped and gave his girlfriend a piece of his mind as a last warning. She then yelled back at Mike.

Even mute people become noisy during sex you dumbfuck!

Eventually, it all ended there. Mike didn't get the chance to satisfy himself and curiously want to know how the hell would his girlfriend know mute would become noisy during sexual intercourse. Mike sat at one corner while the girlfriend which later become his ex-girlfriend sat at another corner till morning. He sent the girl home afterward. When his friends woke up, he try to hide in his bedroom but Mike got a standing ovation and a very big applause from his friends in the morning. They congratulated him. For his friend, the louder the girl groan, the more skillful you are. Mike who still in depressed and shy then asked his friends,

If mute people how come ah?

Butt Hair

Don’t Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: “It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair – ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

credit to Google

This is a story of one man. What's yours?

Truth About Baby Dumping

• Malaysia condom price is still too expensive for the poor and is hard to obtain in rural area. They can't afford it.

• Young generation need sex education. How to prevent ejaculation while inside, how to wear condom, how baby were made etc. etc.

• Parents don't pay enough attention to their kids. They don't even realise their daughter is pregnant.

• Parents make noise at the night while having sex making their kids curious about sex.

• There is too much vacant area in Malaysia that give opportunity for people to have instant sex and dumping babies. Too much garbage bin that located in hidden places giving opportunity for people to dump babies.(that's why you can see rubbish is everywhere in Malaysia)

• Too much 3gp video that influence others to make a collection of themselves.

• Young mothers afraid of their parents that will chase away them if they know they are pregnant outside marriage. Unsupportive parents.

• Adultery is just another usual thing for Malaysian, like eating at mamak.

 # I live in the moment,not in the past nor the future

raar 

Photo Of The Day 'Gadis Melayu Terhangat Masa Kini'

Gadis Melayu Terhangat Masa Kini

Enjoy this in the toilet.

Got Boobs? Got Ass? Sexy? Instant Hottie?

eszol

I personally don't think Blake Lively is unbelievably horse face. I don't think when Sarah Jessica Parker eventually retires Blake could take her place as the horse of Hollywoodland. 

obefiend

I personally think Blake Lively is unbelievably horse face. I  think when Sarah Jessica Parker eventually retires Blake could take her place as the horse of Hollywoodland.

eszol

No. 1 box office titanic(i don't know why avatar got the no. 1 box office. screw you bluish ugly creature) and i love boobies

obefiend

So why the obsession with boobs? I remember my first encounter with a pair boobs. I was around 8-10 at the time. I was watching an Indon horror movie tape we found in my uncle’s room. The title was Pontianak Berdarah or something. Me and my cousins found it under his wardrobe while we were in my nenek’s house. So we loaded the tape into his tape machine. The movie started with a wedding scene.