How To Cheat Your Way Into Heaven

Lately people have no shame to share their dirty secrets to the public and are so proud of their wrongdoings. As a normal and curious human being, I finally solve why this kind of habit keeps spreading rapidly throughout the community. This is because they wanted to get into heaven using a new alternative. Alternative that I believe will lead many more into heaven. So, this is how to cheat your way into heaven. But in case you are still afraid of dying and end up in hell, this is how to cheat death.

1. Create a blog.

2. Put your picture as the wallpaper of the blog and put your faces on the sidebar. 

3. Acknowledge yourself as a muslim. 

4. Make an entry and confess that you practice free sex and have perform adultery.

5. Promote your blog on the internet.

6. Thousands of people will read your entry and pray for your sins to be forgiven.

7. Profit!

Disclaimer: Will not work if you did not put your real name in the blog and please make sure you are still a minor.

raar

Random Picture From Google #7

This is how it works,I will randomly search interesting images from Google with specific keyword then I'll just post it here. Enjoice!

Keyword of the day: GELABAH

I believe, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you, stranger.

by The Joker 

Random Picture From Google #6

This is how it works,I will randomly search interesting images from Google with specific keyword then I'll just post it here. Enjoice!

Keyword of the day: PELEMPANG

If you catch me saying 'I am a serious actor,' I beg you to slap me. 

by Johnny Depp

Kenapa Wan Azizah Tak Tunjuk Jam Omega?

Sidang media telah dilakukan oleh isteri Anwar Ibrahim iaitu Wan Azizah bersama Karpal Singh, Nurul Izzah serta Kahlid Ibrahim siang tadi sebagai respond kepada penyiaran video seks yang didakwa menunjukkan Anwar Ibrahim melakukan hubungan seks dengan seorang amoi yg boleh tahan. Apabila wartawan bertanyakan mengenai di mana jam berjenama Omega milik Anwar Ibrahim yang didakwa hilang di dalam sebuah bilik hotel, soalan itu menimbulkan rasa tidak puas hati Wan Azizah, keluarga dan beberapa pemimpin yang hadir dalam sidang media itu. Nak tahu kenapa Azizah tak nak tunjuk jam tu?

Sila maklum bahawa jawapan kepada persoalan di atas yang bakal anda ketahui selepas ini telah di deduce kan atau dijelaskan oleh seorang kanak-kanak yang masih belum baligh. Sekian harap maklum.

Kerana pihak Anwar Ibrahim adalah tidak bodoh. Hal ini demikian kerana, pihak Anwar Ibrahim sudah boleh membaca taktik fabricating evidence yang bakal dilakukan oleh musuh mereka. Taktik fabricating evidence ini hanya boleh dilakukan apabila model dan bentuk fizikal jam berjenama Omega itu dikenalpasti oleh musuh mereka. Maka, keengganan Wan Azizah untuk menunjukkan jam tersebut adalah kerana tidak mahu musuh Anwar akan dapat mengenalpasti akan model jam tersebut dan fabricate a proof seperti resit pembelian atau apa sekali pun yang mampu menunjukkan wujudnya pembelian jam tersebut yang bertarikh setelah tarikh pendedahan yg dilakukan Datuk T beberapa minggu lepas. 

Tak paham? Ini ada satu contoh.

Apabila Wan Azizah tunjuk jam berkenaan pada wartawan maka musuh Anwar akan tahu apakah model jam berkenaan, dengan itu mereka akan senang-senang membuat satu resit pembelian jam yang sama model dengan yang dimiliki Anwar dan resit berkenaan akan menunjukkan tarikh pembelian yang semestinya bertarikh selepas tarikh pendedahan yang dilakukan Datuk T. Maka resit ini akan mampu menyangkal kenyataan Wan Azizah yang mengaku bahawa jam tersebut didalam simpananya dan tidak hilang. 

Kemudianya, Wan Azizah akan pula dituduh membeli jam yang sama model seperti jam yang dilaporkan hilang setelah jam itu dilaporkan hilang dan Datuk T pula akan tiba-tiba mengadakan sidang media untuk menunjukkan jam Omega yg berada dlm simpanan mereka yg pada mulanya didakwa hilang dalam bilik hotel berkenaan. Jam yang bakal ditunjukkan oleh Datuk T berkenaan sudah pasti seiras dan sama seperti yang ditunjukkan Wan Azizah. Maka musuh Anwar bukan sahaja mampu menunjukkan jam yang sama bahkan dapat menunjukkan resit yang bakal menyangkal kenyataan Wan Azizah.
 

Kesimpulanya, ada sebab kenapa Wan Azizah tidak mahu menunjukkan jam Omega tersebut kepada pihak media. Kalau tak paham lagi kenapa, baca la banyak-banyak kali alasanya di atas. Budak-budak belum baligh pun boleh pikir semua benda ni. Apa lah nak jadi dengan Malaysia ni. Takkan nanti budak 10tahun dibenarkan bertanding pilihanraya pulak.

# Boleh percaya ke budak ni? Mengarut je lebih.

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EPIC: Leaked Anwar Ibrahim Sex Video

Ini merupakan leaked video seks Anwar Ibrahim. Orang ckp ni part three punya je. Entah la. Tapi tak ada pun adegan seks dalam video ni. Cuma ada seorang amoi, manusia berupa seiras Anwar Ibrahim serta seorang manusia melakonkan watak bapak ayam. Mungkin motif terdedah nya video ni sebab nak tunjuk yang betul-betul ada manusia berwajah seiras Anwar Ibrahim dalam video terbabit. Biasalahkan, pilihanraya Sarawak dah dekat. Ini kan Malaysia sebuah negara yang banyak pilihanraya kecil, taktik ni semua memang senang-senang je nak di-deduce kan oleh seorang kanak-kanak yang belum baligh mcm gua. Besar punya frame gua bg ni. Enjoice guys!

# Macam Anwar Ibrahim tak?

SPM 2010, Skandal Seks Anwar Ibrahim (lagi) dan Superheroes Datuk Trio

Sempena kekecewaan gua terhadap keputusan SPM 2010 dan sambil menyambut bala yang menimpa pemimpin Pakatan Rakyat iaitu Anwar Ibrahim sekali lagi dan atas ketidak tahanan kegelihatian gua terhadap sistem perundangan Malaysia beserta lawak-lawak bodoh yang dilakukan oleh geng superheroes penegak keadilan yang baharu iaitu Datuk Trio yang dianggotai Tan Sri Abdul Rahim Tamby Chik, Datuk Shazryl Eskay Abdullah, Datuk Shuib Lazim lalu gua keluarkan entry ni.

Ibrahim Ali mana? Kenapa bendahari Perkasa je yang join jadi superhero? Gua tak tahu. Dalam entry gua yang ini dia dah jadi superhero dah pun. Jadi apa yang gua perlukan sekarang adalah motivasi agar tidak terus-terusan kecewa dan pecah perut kerana menjadi rakyat Malaysia yang setia pada negara. Apa nak jadi dengan Malaysia? Pi tanya agong kita, pi tanya pemimpin kita. Layan jela video-video lagu perangsang motivasi ini.

Video last ini kita xaxau pulak.

The most motivating blog post of the day is FTSNC. He tell me the truth.


# Good men must not obey the laws too much. They will eventually manipulate it.

raar

Lulz of The Day #5

Spot the funniest bottle

# Menthol berganda!

 raar

Awkward Moment: Funbox Lift

Awkward dan awkward dan terus awkward. Gua tulis manglish this time sebab gua rasa penat nak menulis  dan rather than tulis english and nampak bodoh bagai. Bukan sebab awkward tapi penat. Gua tengah bercuti so gua lebih bahagia jika dapat konsentrasikan cuti gua dengan masa rehat yang berpatutan. Biasalahkan, orang macam gua ni sibuk memanjang. Takde life!

This incident berlaku a few weeks lepas. For your information, gua bersarang di salah sebuah tempat yang penduduknya kebanyakkan terdiri daripada warga African Country, Arab and China dan kediaman gua mempunyai lif. Senang cerita rumah gua bertingkat-tingkat. Before the incident happens gua baru sahaja selesai makan malam bersama rakan gua di sebuah kedai yang berjauhan dan ingin pulang ke sarang untuk tidur. Gendang gendut tali kecapi, kenyang perut suka hati.

Bagi gua dan member-member gua yang tak ada life, kami menjadikan lif sebagai sebuah funbox untuk bergelak ketawa mengutuk foreigner kerana kami tahu mereka hanya tahu berbahasa melayu sikit-sikit sahaja. Apatah lagi untuk memahaminya. Di dalam lif lah kami mencari hiburan sekiranya ada foreigner yang berjaya mengambil perhatian kami. Ayat-ayat seperti "Wanginya awak" dan "Besarnye buah" merupakan joke-joke yang telah basi buat kami sehinggakan kadang kala hanya melihat mereka sahaja kami mampu berguling-guling kesakitan perut. Ok yg tu gua tipu. Tapi tengok telatah foreigner memang terhibur.

Nak dijadikan cerita, semasa gua masuk sahaja dalam lif, tiba-tiba datang sebuah couple join masuk sekali. So gua kebelakang sikit dan sandar pada dinding lif. The couple looks like African. But the girl is quite pelik. She was wearing a tank and short pants. She have all the low grade make up on her face. Including some weird facial hair. And the make up was so thick. Then while waiting for the lift to reach my floor I said "Tebalnya make up" and I look at my friend face. But my friend did not hear me so I repeat the word in slow mo version. TEBALNYA. MAKE. UP. And gua gelak-gelak. Suddenly...

Sebab saya nak pergi clubbing

Yeaah, that was the word that came out from her mouth. Gua sungguh terkejut dan terkelu lidah buat seketika. Perempuan tersebut toleh kebelakang dan menghamburkan kata-kata tersebut kepada gua. First time gua kena balik. Gua pandang muka dia sekejap then gua tunduk pandang lantai lif. Segan dan malu. Lelaki die pulak dah merapu cakap bahasa pelik-pelik dekat perempuan tu. Terdetik perasaan takut dalam hati gua tiba-tiba. Kalau kena tumbuk ke apa.

And to make my feeling worse, she got out at the same floor as mine. Gua cuak dia panggil gang dia hentak pintu rumah gua pulak. But it ends there. They went to the other side of the floor. Nasib baik dia tak caci maki gua lebih-lebih. Kalau dia marah gua sure gua balas balik "Is it a Halloween themed club you going?" Haha.

Perempuan tu lagi teruk daripada ni

So that was the story and my friend have a good laugh at me. Daripada selalu gelakkan foreigner, gua pulak kena gelak lepas tu. Karma's a bitch! Gua release cerita ni lambat sebab gua tunggu nak bertembung dengan perempuan tu balik. Mana tahu bila jumpa balik gua boleh lepak minum dengan dia pulak ke. Tapi malangnya gua tak jumpa dia lagi dah. Member gua cakap perempuan tu bukan African tapi Indian. Gua pun tak sure. Haha. 

# My nigga can say 'bungkus'. Sumpah lawak!

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Draft Draft

Hari ini hari Jumaat. Sila baca lebih lanjut untuk mengetahui lebih lanjut dan janganlah berharap anda akan lanjut usia mahupun lanjut pada anggota badan yang berkenaan. Berikut yang lanjut merupakan draft draft yang terdapat dalam telefon kecil gua yang sudah lanjut.

Puncak kebodohan orang yang bijaksana adalah marah.

Freemason? Pernah tengok Green Zone tak? When there is a belief, there will be someone who will against it. This group who who do not believe the existence of Freemason is also created by the Freemason in order to make the Freemason looks fictional.

Kenapa kita masih lagi percaya pada momokan bodoh hantu yang tidak wujud sedangkan kita tahu perkataan hantu itu sendiri datangnya bukan dari Bahasa Melayu sendiri. Malahan kita juga tahu bahawa roh orang mati tidak berada di atas bumi. Sebab tu hantu tak jejak bumi. Argh! Ini semua salah burung hantu.

Kahwin muda? Ini dunia akhir zaman. Budak-budak yang lahir ke dunia makin lama makin kecil fizikalnya dan juga makin lambat kematangan mereka. Nak kahwin awal? Takut nanti pusat yang banjir nya.

You need to prepare your own argument. Intellectual argue lead to the best solution.

Nak tegur, tegur sajalah. Tapi bila tegur macam kau tu perfect sangat, agak-agaklah la. Tak tegur tak jadi orang. Haaa...kan gua tengah menegur ni. Lu dah jadi orang!

RTM3 Isnin hingga Khamis pukul 7 mesti cerita cinta. 10.30 Selasa sampai Khamis mesti cerita cinta juga. Khamis malam tahu pulak letak cerita hantu. Owh, bawak awek pergi makan lepas pukul 8, kena tengok cerita cinta biar dapat kumpul ayat. Bila dah pukul 10.30, dah sampai kedai boleh layan cerita cinta lagi sambil pegang-pegang tangan. Khamis malam Jumaat apa barang lepak kedai, cerita hantu, so clubbing lah!

Rais Yatim? Two words. Double standard.

Semua drama mahupun filem yang disiarkan dalam negara kita banyak diselitkan bibit-bibit cinta. Tak habis-habis cinta. Cliche sungguh. Sampai ada yang buat blog pasal cinta. Aduhai. Cinta seolah-olah memainkan peranan besar dalam kehidupan setiap manusia. Argh! Mungkin kerajaan nak tingkat populasi penduduk negara agaknya.

Orang lain makan masa orang lain. Kalau gua meeting dengan lu sampai pukul 3, lu jangan lah nak extend sampai pukul 5. Gua ade life jugak. Diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapak, dikemam mati pucuk.

# Memory full

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Random Picture From Google #5

This is how it works,I will randomly search interesting images from Google with specific keyword then I'll just post it here. Enjoice!

Keyword of the day: RINDU

Obvious cliche

We would have injected vitamin C if only they had made it illegal!

by Mark Renton of Trainspotting

Lulz of The Day #4

Yup,priceless

oneMalaysia

#Tak kelakar jangan gelak

Aku Nak Berhenti Kerja

Oleh kerana gua telah dipaksa dan diperas ugut untuk menyambung cerita berantai dari seorang bapa dan merangkap suami, Irwan, lalu entry ini diciptakan. Walaupun hidup gua sekarang amat bercelaru dan terumbang-ambing kerana anak-anak ayam gua sudah dewasa dan bukan lagi anak-anak seperti dahulu kala. tetapi gua gagahkan jua. Maka dengan rasa terpaksa dan hormatnya gua akan menyambung cerita beliau. Nak buat macam mana kan. Kita budak-budak kena la hormati mereka yang lebih berusia. Dan yang lebih berusia pulak kena la ingat, respect is earned not given. Ini sambungannya.

Irwan

Ada orang tengah nak buang bangkai tauke dia jugak cam aku. Lalu aku tegur lelaki tersebut sambil bertanya beliau adakah beliau sudah makan. Beliau pun menjawab dengan nada suka hati sambil memberitahu bahawa dia sudah pun makan. Maka kami membakar mayat tauke kami secara berjemaah ala pembunuhan kejam Sosilawati Lawiya. Sebelom itu sempat juga aku kebas beberapa keping kad kredit platinum dan berbagai wang dari seluruh pelusuk dunia milik tauke-tauke berkenaan. Selesai sahaja pembakaran yang berbau seperti kacang tanah digoreng, aku pulang bersama lelaki berkenaan. Time inilah aku sempat bertanya nama beliau. Berikut adalah dialog yang berlangsung antara kami berdua.

"Nama apa bang?"

"Najib" jawab beliau yang turut membawa isteri beliau yang berambut kembang seperti singa. 

"Kenapa bunuh tauke tadi bang?" tanyaku sambil takut-takut kerana sedang di jeling manje oleh si rambut kembang.

"Biasalah. Dia degil tak dengar cakap siapa suruh. Dia tu boneka abang je. Abang ni yang tauke. Kau pulak?"

"Semua kerana kapitalis babi lupa diri yang rezeki itu bukan hak mereka semata-mata"

"Abang paham. Abang paham. Abang kapitalis juga, tapi kapitalis baik hati. Kena ingat yang niat tak menghalalkan cara" Balas beliau sambil membuat muka dungu dengan lagak brader-brader.

"Saya baru perasan. Nama abang macam Perdana Menteri Malaysia la. Abang jangan la pulak cakap nama bapak abang Tun Razok" Aku menukar topik kerana malas melayan si dungu yang jahil.

"Haa, tu bapak gua la tu. Adik ni tak perasan ke abang la yang selalu masuk RTM3 tu. Tu yang dekat belakang abang tu laki abang la. Cute tak die?" jawab beliau sambil bermuka bangga dan riak.

"Cute bang. Cute sangat-sangat. Mencanak adik saya ni walaupun penat membunuh tadi" jawabku untuk mengambil hati beliau moga-moga dapat tender sekolah.

"Bedebah punya budak! Laki aku tu! Yang, cekik dia. Kita C4 je budak ni" Jerit beliau.

"Bereh bereh" jawab si perempuan berambut kembang hodoh yang duduk di belakang sambil tersenyum kegirangan.


Akhirnye aku bukan sahaja berhenti bekerja. Aku juga berhenti bernyawa. Sekian.


# Mana ada kapitalis baik hati. Tunjuk sini bukti!

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Movie: Khurafat

Damn! Gua tertipu dengan member-member gua. Gua kena lipat. Gua ditaburkan dengan segala macam puji-pujian yang mengatakan filem Melayu sudah maju, dah boleh buat bukit tulis Malaywood, boleh masuk pasaran Iran, Syamsul bakal jadi Michael Bay yang pandai rapping dan bermacam lagi. Rupanya itu semua omongan dan kesarkastikan yang tercipta dari mulut-mulut si durjana yang menabur racun rumpai untuk membunuh citarasa gua. Gua ni memang mudah ditipu. Lalu gua dengan tidak sengaja telah menonton filem ini akibat ticket free yang sukar ditolak. Damn! The story is way too cliche. C.L.I.C.H.E.

Apa punye Syamsul, si Jasmay dah ternganga dah tu

Nama cerita ini sepatutnye ditukarkan kepada nama yang lebih sesuai seperti Syirik Si Syamsul Pembantu Perubatan ataupun Jangan Pandang Atas atau Tepi. Terlalu terang, nyata dan lagi bersuluh cerita ini amat jauh untuk dikaitkan dengan istilah dan nama KHURAFAT kerana kebanyakkan kejadian yang berlaku dlm filem ini lebih memaparkan kejadian syirik dan bukanye khurafat. Fine, lu punye cerita, lu punye suke nak letak tajuk ape kan. Gua tahu lu dah dapat juta-juta lemon. Tapi, nampak sangat Syamsul mengelak untuk meniru gaya Si Ahmad Idham iaitu musuh beliau kerana semua hantu tak reti datang daripada belakang. Kebanyakkan hantu datang daripada depan, tepi atau atas. Maybe sebab akhirnye hantu-hantu sedar manusia takde side mirror dan dorang sedar main belakang tu haram. Lagipun hantu-hantu pun bosan dah muncul dari belakang, C.L.I.C.H.E.

Bunyi saspen ------------->>> Hantu muka tak siap plastic surgery

Seperti cerita-cerita seram keluaran syarikat produksi Malaysia yang lain, cerita Khurafat ini terlalu dan amatlah terlalu banyak menggunakan elemen terkejut dan bermain dengan muzik saspen yang sehingga kini tidak lagi sesaspen mana dan menjadi bahan saspen olok-olok dalam kalangan pengusaha filem tempatan. Elemen bunyi saspen yang disertakan dengan hantu wanita yang suka main cak-cak amatlah bosan dan menghampakan. 

Lagi satu, hantu yang sepatutnye menghantui si Syamsul adalah hantu lelaki dan bukan hantu bertetek berambut panjang suka memeluk lelaki kerana minyak dagu ataupun minyak senyonyong yang diperolehi Syamsul adalah daripada mayat seorang lelaki. Bak kata tok bomoh Latif Borgiba, roh yang ada didalam badan minah clubbing tersebut adalah dari mayat lelaki tersebut. Isn't it obvious that the ghost should be a male looking ghost? Wahai Syamsul, sebelum buat filem sila buat skrip, plot dan research dahulu ya. Jangan sampai anak bini tujuh keturunan menanggung malu berganda-ganda.

Khurafat ini sesunguhnya tidak lebih daripada cerita-cerita bergenre seram yang lain. Twist yang dipaparkan di hujung cerita juga amatlah cliche. Sesuai dengan gaya pemikiran warga Melayu yang malas menonton cerita-cerita seram Jepun dan Korea yang membuatkan mereka berfikir dengan amat dalam dan menyelesaikan misteri dengan sendirinya. Story play seolah-olah ingin mencari siapa empunya hantu sedangkan obviously hantu itu mesti ade kaitan dengan si minah clubbing bergigi jarang tersebut. Gua akan tabik cerita ini kalau mampu men-twist-kan this so called Khurafat dengan menunjukkan bahawa si durjana sebenar adalah si pembawa van jenazah yang fail cakap utara. Btw Syamsul, hospital mana ko shooting yang all the time blackout takde eletrik tu? Syamsul, read my lips C.L.I.C.H.E!

# Siapa perasan rumah mak Syamsul tu sama macam rumah pak cik baring terbang kena rasuk tu?

raar

UPDATE HERE 

Awkward Moment: KTMB Women Coach

I shall continue with my series of Awkwad Moment this time. I have been quite busy this whole week. Spending time with loved one, reunion, traveling etc. etc. Regarding to traveling, I believe all of you know that Keretapi Tanah Melayu Berhad has introduced their new women coach since last April. The women coach which placed as the middle coach of the train has caused lots of misunderstanding and confusion among the passengers. So, this story is about the sexist coach and my friend.

My friend is a transport-less person. He survive from one point to another point most of the time by using public transport. That day he wanted to go to KL from his grandparent's hometown, Seremban. The most economical way to get to KL from Seremban is by using the most lousy public transport of Malaysia, KTM. I bet 97.99% of KTM users insatisfy with the service provided to them. Trains departure are not following to the schedule, train too slow, very little number of trip in one day and many more.To cut the story short, I will stop complaining. 

Because of the train have arrived by the time of my friend reached the Seremban station, he ran towards the the train. For your information, at Seremban station, once you get out from the ticket gate you will see the middle coach is in front of you if there is train stopping there. Then he entered the train. The middle coach to be exact. Door close and this is where the awkward scene could be seen. 

Ken Wooi's artwork

He stood near the train's door and saw everybody was looking at him. All the eyes keep staring and gave a weird look. Some of them grinned at him. He look at every corners of the coach. He then realised that the train is full of homosapiens with vagina. Not even sissy or tomboy were inside the coach. He feel so weird. He did not know that the coach is reserved for ladies. But it did not end there.

If you do not know, sometimes the train inspector will randomly come inside the the train and check on passengers tickets to make sure there is no illegal passenger boarding the train. My friend was 'lucky' to find there is still two men with blue shirt inside the train on the other side of the coach. Both of the inspector came to everyone and checked on their tickets. By the time the inspector was in front of him, he gave his tickets to the inspector. Then the inspector said;

Bagi sini IC sekali.

My friend who was confused gave his IC and the inspector cynically said that my friend is confused with his gender while the inspector take a look on the IC. He could heard some chicks laughed at him when the inspector said that. He felt so furious and ashamed. The inspector asked him to change to another coach at the next station later on. Before he reached the next station he managed to give a piece of his mind to both of the inspector.

Lain kali jangan letak sticker pink kecik-kecik dekat tingkap. Kasi cat teros satu coach colour pink. Senang!

For me, men coach should be introduced too in order to curb people from thinking this world is created for women. How long can we stand all this sexist activities. Women already have their ministry in almost all of the countries in the world but we still have not. After all, I'm still being sexually abused everytime I used public transport. By women.

#Being surrounded by women is not the best fantasy after all.

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Apa Yang Selalu Dilakukan Bila Kemalangan

Gua percaya ramai di antara kita semua pernah menaiki kenderaan. Tak kisahlah apa pun jenis kenderaan yang korang semua pernah naik. Motor, kereta, van, bas, basikal fixie mahupun trolley giant. Bagi gua stroller yang bebudak naik untuk mak bapak dorang exercise tolak anak-anak tu pon sejenis kenderaan. Pergi sekolah naik kenderaan, pergi makan naik kenderaan, pergi berak pun naik kenderaan. Kadang-kadang ada jugak orang yang mengawan dalam kenderaan. 

Dan disebabkan kenderaan dalam dunia ini ciptaan manusia dan dikendalikan juga oleh manusia, maka mesti ade flaw ataupun kekurangan mahupun kesilapan yang wujud. Tak kiralah ketika kenderaan tersebut dibuat ataupun ketika dikendalikan. Lalu terjadilah kemalangan yang berlaku dengan tidak sengaja juga dengan sengaja. Pastu traffic jam berjela-jela. So, bila kemalangan, apakah yang selalu dilakukan oleh pemandu yang mengalaminya? 

• "Sunni! Kunji! Pundek! Cibai! Sohai! Babi!" (1Malaysia curse) Mencarut diklasifikasikan antara perbuatan yang dapat membendung perasaan amarah yang mendalam dan mengurangkan stress yang terlampau akibat kemalangan.

• "Haiyo auntie! Buta ka?! Itu spec you simpan kasi frame dekat rumah la" (Membuli) Membuli secara verbal dilaporkan dapat mengurangkan konflik di antara mangsa kemalangan dan mengeratkan persefahaman silaturahim dalam sekelip mata.

• "Kenapalah aku dilahirkan di dunia ini? Patut aku duduk dalam perut mak aku" (Menyesal) Menyesal mengikut kajian ahli perniagaan dapat meningkatkan produktiviti seseorang mangsa kemalangan.

• "Yes! Dapat jugak aku tukar bumper baru Proton Inspira" (Bergembira) Bergembira selalunya melibatkan empunya kereta lama sahaja.

• "Astaga, astaga, astaga, astaga, astaga" (Insaf) Insaf dengan keadaan kemalangan yang telah berlaku dapat mengurangkan kebarangkalian bahawa kemalangan yang sama akan berlaku sekali lagi dalam tempoh masa 77 saat.

• "Bukan saya langgar bang, kereta sorong tu yang langgar tadi" (Mengelak) Mengelak atau dalam konteks menipu merupakan perkara paling kerap dilakukan mangsa kemalangan walaupun mereka mengerti bahawa kebarangkalian untuk mereka berjaya mencapai objektif penipuan adalah senipis bonet kereta Perodua.

• "Bang, abang punye muka nampak hensem la. Abang pakai bedak brand ape?" (Memuji) Memuji didapati ramai dapat mengelakkan mangsa kemalangan dipukul sehingga lebam anak tekak.

# Dah langgar, sendiri mahu tanggung la

raar

Annoying Facebook Status

For people who have Facebook account I bet you guys read lots of nauseous, queasiness, annoying and irritating status from all your friends each and everytime you logged in. And I know even your bestfriend do that. Yeah it is true that freedom of speech should be uphold and it is applied in Facebook. But nowadays it seems that everyone is abusing and mistreating their rights to say. 

There is philosopher, attention searcher, spoil brat, location updater, lyricist, politician wannabe n so much more. Everybody wanna be annoying. Even I sometimes did not realise that I have been kinda annoying. Guess annoyance is trending now. So today in the name of annoyance I would like to share the list of annoying Facebook status that I have encountered. For me annoyance is so subjective. I wonder if there is any freedom of not-to-know. I think it is listed under freedom of rights. By the way, unfriend button is created for a reason. Just in case you forgot.

"Kenapa la aku dilahirkan hensem lagi bergaya. Susah nak layan awek-awek selalu ajak dating ni. RIMAS!" (THE ANNOYING BASTERD)

"Mama, nak Blackberry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (THE GO GETTER)

"Chillin at Pavilion with Bedah and Senah." (THE LOCATION UPDATER)

"Moto gua laju, jom main sekilo." (THE REMPIT)

"lolololololololololol" (THE SUDDEN LOLER)

"Life is for people that are tough, cause life is tough and only tough people can live this life." (THE PHILOSOPHER)

"Babi! Pantat! Lancau! Nate! Sunni! Kunji! Pundek! Chu! Amput! Sohai!"
(THE 1Malaysia CURSE)

"Siapa takde kelas esok? Siapa? Siapa? Aku ada satu je" (THE QUESTIONER)

"Arggghhhh!!!" (THE ONE WORD MISTER)

"Sakitnya hati kena dump dengan jantan sial tu.Sumpah tak nak couple lagi"
(THE BOYFRIEND SEARCHER) 

"Hari ini kau datang riang
Tersenyum buatku senang
Kau hias dirimu
Membuat hati bertambah sayang"
(THE LYRICIST)

"............................." (THE DOT MASTER)

"Liverpool will win this year! YNWA" (THE FICTION BELIEVER)

"Ada sesiapa tahu mana nak cari perempuan melayu terakhir?"
(THE KNOWLEDGE SEEKER)

"Just got home from shopping. Zara, Gap, Topshop, Guess, all invaded!" 
(THE SHOPAHOLIC BRAG)

THE WINNER IS

"Menci uh bila owg kap itew uat aket aty, ase nak umbuk jew. ta uke"
(THE PELAT SPELLER)

# It is called status for a reason.

raar

Awkward Moment: Silent Sex

Let me continue with this series of Awkward Moment. This time I'm not the person who live in the awkward situation. This is a story of my best friend who has undergo a very awkward moment toward his girlfriend and his friends. In the name of Friends Official Secret Act, I'm just going to name him as Mike. So, what kind of awkward situation have Mike been into?

It started when Mike went to a club and partying with his bunch of friends together with his new girlfriend. Club as you all know is a place to socialise and to score chicks. Mike was the only guy who bring girlfriend to the club among his friends. So he was excluded from socialising with other chicks. To keep it short, they're drunk, full of adrenalin and obviously horny. Apparently, nobody score any chick and they headed back to their apartment. Mike was hoping to get laid that night. So by bringing his new girlfriend home would be a nice way to realise his dream. By the way, this is so not gang raping rempit-like. This is all about satisfying each other needs.

Grrr...

So bla bla bla and bla bla bla. After foreplay and everything, they were experiencing sexual activities. But Mike girlfriend unfortunately make him became uncomfortable. She was making a very loud noise that should not be heard by any others. The pleasant-sound-to-men-ears that suppose to be heard within 2 metres radius have become a noise that can be heard within 15 metres radius. The sounds that could mistakenly assume as from somebody being abuse or torture. Furthermore, could you imagine the sounds is being made from an apartment.

Mike is a damn shy person. So he keep reminding his girlfriend to not obviously telling people that they were having sex. He didn't want his friend to tease him the next day. But his girlfriend was a really stubborn or maybe she can't handle what Mike have. Enough is enough for Mike. So Mike just stopped and gave his girlfriend a piece of his mind as a last warning. She then yelled back at Mike.

Even mute people become noisy during sex you dumbfuck!

Eventually, it all ended there. Mike didn't get the chance to satisfy himself and curiously want to know how the hell would his girlfriend know mute would become noisy during sexual intercourse. Mike sat at one corner while the girlfriend which later become his ex-girlfriend sat at another corner till morning. He sent the girl home afterward. When his friends woke up, he try to hide in his bedroom but Mike got a standing ovation and a very big applause from his friends in the morning. They congratulated him. For his friend, the louder the girl groan, the more skillful you are. Mike who still in depressed and shy then asked his friends,

If mute people how come ah?

Why Paedophile Is Increasing In Malaysia

Regarding to my promise in Punca Nahas Di Malaysia entry, I will write this entry of Why Paedophile Is Trending in Malaysia. Paedophile, pedophile or pedo from my definition would be a someone who have the tendency to have sex with children id est, a someone who sexually attracted and stimulated to children. This kind of person is labeled as sick and inhumane just because their lust is toward minor (One who has not reached full legal age) which overly protected by the law. Yes, minor is still minor because minor still cannot do the thinking properly and not liable of digesting information and making decision but the paternalistic approach that being used is way too bias.

Rape and Child Molestation

Okay, lets learn something about the law. An almost 18 years old minor who rape a minor is listed as juvenile. A 19 years old man who rape a minor is called Statutory rape. Quoting the article "The term statutory rape generally refers to sex between an adult and a sexually mature minor past the age of puberty. Sexual relations with a prepubescent child, generically called "child molestation," is typically treated as a more serious crime." For your information, under the Malaysian Law, a minor is defined as someone who age is below 21 years except for Muslims which is 18 years. Law sucks isn't it. So be aware that there is difference between child molestation which commonly involve paedophilic person and statutory rape.

Gay is okay, lesbian is fine, but why someone sexually attracted to child is so wrong?

The western really make me fucked up when it comes to paedophilic act. They brag about their human rights, rights of having weird sex orientation etc etc but they really protect and uphold the so called children rights. After all, it's children. You just can't have mutual consent about having sex with kids. Without further ado, these are the reason

• Too much cute prepubescent kids become actor and actress and indirectly producer use them as attraction of their movies and dramas. Too much exposure of minor cuteness. 

• Even popular and straight looking actress carry anywhere cute prepubescent girl like an accessories and exploiting the cute girl and looking proud of it.

• Prepubescent boy singer with girl voices keep alluring gays and and post-pubescent female (you know who). A voice can even stimulate the menopause women.

• More and more prepubescent kids style and wear adult fashion and start looking like mature adult. This give the paedophile chances to fantasise and live in self denial that they are actually normal.

• Actress shamelessly show immoral act with prepubescent kid in front of media and indirectly send the message of "Saya paedophile,saya ok"  

# Santa is the biggest pedobear.

raar

Lulz of The Day #3

Click on the picture for better view

This is a print screen picture from my previous entry. Im amaze with this comment. Well after all, it is true that we should put History as a compulsory subject to pass SPM. You can check this link to view the comments.

Random Picture From Google #4

This is how it works,I will randomly search interesting images from Google with specific keyword then I'll just post it here. Enjoice!

Keyword of the day: SERABUT

No, I don't look like this.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try' 
by Homer Simpson