Thursday, January 27, 2011

Annoying Facebook Status

For people who have Facebook account I bet you guys read lots of nauseous, queasiness, annoying and irritating status from all your friends each and everytime you logged in. And I know even your bestfriend do that. Yeah it is true that freedom of speech should be uphold and it is applied in Facebook. But nowadays it seems that everyone is abusing and mistreating their rights to say. 

There is philosopher, attention searcher, spoil brat, location updater, lyricist, politician wannabe n so much more. Everybody wanna be annoying. Even I sometimes did not realise that I have been kinda annoying. Guess annoyance is trending now. So today in the name of annoyance I would like to share the list of annoying Facebook status that I have encountered. For me annoyance is so subjective. I wonder if there is any freedom of not-to-know. I think it is listed under freedom of rights. By the way, unfriend button is created for a reason. Just in case you forgot.

"Kenapa la aku dilahirkan hensem lagi bergaya. Susah nak layan awek-awek selalu ajak dating ni. RIMAS!" (THE ANNOYING BASTERD)
"Mama, nak Blackberry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (THE GO GETTER)
"Chillin at Pavilion with Bedah and Senah." (THE LOCATION UPDATER)
"Moto gua laju, jom main sekilo." (THE REMPIT)
"lolololololololololol" (THE SUDDEN LOLER)
"Life is for people that are tough, cause life is tough and only tough people can live this life." (THE PHILOSOPHER)
"Babi! Pantat! Lancau! Nate! Sunni! Kunji! Pundek! Chu! Amput! Sohai!"
(THE 1Malaysia CURSE)
"Siapa takde kelas esok? Siapa? Siapa? Aku ada satu je" (THE QUESTIONER)
"Arggghhhh!!!" (THE ONE WORD MISTER)
"Sakitnya hati kena dump dengan jantan sial tu.Sumpah tak nak couple lagi"
"Hari ini kau datang riang
Tersenyum buatku senang
Kau hias dirimu
Membuat hati bertambah sayang"

"............................." (THE DOT MASTER)
"Liverpool will win this year! YNWA" (THE FICTION BELIEVER)
"Ada sesiapa tahu mana nak cari perempuan melayu terakhir?"
"Just got home from shopping. Zara, Gap, Topshop, Guess, all invaded!" 


"Menci uh bila owg kap itew uat aket aty, ase nak umbuk jew. ta uke"

# It is called status for a reason.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Awkward Moment: Silent Sex

Let me continue with this series of Awkward Moment. This time I'm not the person who live in the awkward situation. This is a story of my best friend who has undergo a very awkward moment toward his girlfriend and his friends. In the name of Friends Official Secret Act, I'm just going to name him as Mike. So, what kind of awkward situation have Mike been into?

It started when Mike went to a club and partying with his bunch of friends together with his new girlfriend. Club as you all know is a place to socialise and to score chicks. Mike was the only guy who bring girlfriend to the club among his friends. So he was excluded from socialising with other chicks. To keep it short, they're drunk, full of adrenalin and obviously horny. Apparently, nobody score any chick and they headed back to their apartment. Mike was hoping to get laid that night. So by bringing his new girlfriend home would be a nice way to realise his dream. By the way, this is so not gang raping rempit-like. This is all about satisfying each other needs.


So bla bla bla and bla bla bla. After foreplay and everything, they were experiencing sexual activities. But Mike girlfriend unfortunately make him became uncomfortable. She was making a very loud noise that should not be heard by any others. The pleasant-sound-to-men-ears that suppose to be heard within 2 metres radius have become a noise that can be heard within 15 metres radius. The sounds that could mistakenly assume as from somebody being abuse or torture. Furthermore, could you imagine the sounds is being made from an apartment.

Mike is a damn shy person. So he keep reminding his girlfriend to not obviously telling people that they were having sex. He didn't want his friend to tease him the next day. But his girlfriend was a really stubborn or maybe she can't handle what Mike have. Enough is enough for Mike. So Mike just stopped and gave his girlfriend a piece of his mind as a last warning. She then yelled back at Mike.

Even mute people become noisy during sex you dumbfuck!

Eventually, it all ended there. Mike didn't get the chance to satisfy himself and curiously want to know how the hell would his girlfriend know mute would become noisy during sexual intercourse. Mike sat at one corner while the girlfriend which later become his ex-girlfriend sat at another corner till morning. He sent the girl home afterward. When his friends woke up, he try to hide in his bedroom but Mike got a standing ovation and a very big applause from his friends in the morning. They congratulated him. For his friend, the louder the girl groan, the more skillful you are. Mike who still in depressed and shy then asked his friends,

If mute people how come ah?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Why Paedophile Is Increasing In Malaysia

Regarding to my promise in Punca Nahas Di Malaysia entry, I will write this entry of Why Paedophile Is Trending in Malaysia. Paedophile, pedophile or pedo from my definition would be a someone who have the tendency to have sex with children id est, a someone who sexually attracted and stimulated to children. This kind of person is labeled as sick and inhumane just because their lust is toward minor (One who has not reached full legal age) which overly protected by the law. Yes, minor is still minor because minor still cannot do the thinking properly and not liable of digesting information and making decision but the paternalistic approach that being used is way too bias.

Rape and Child Molestation

Okay, lets learn something about the law. An almost 18 years old minor who rape a minor is listed as juvenile. A 19 years old man who rape a minor is called Statutory rape. Quoting the article "The term statutory rape generally refers to sex between an adult and a sexually mature minor past the age of puberty. Sexual relations with a prepubescent child, generically called "child molestation," is typically treated as a more serious crime." For your information, under the Malaysian Law, a minor is defined as someone who age is below 21 years except for Muslims which is 18 years. Law sucks isn't it. So be aware that there is difference between child molestation which commonly involve paedophilic person and statutory rape.

Gay is okay, lesbian is fine, but why someone sexually attracted to child is so wrong?

The western really make me fucked up when it comes to paedophilic act. They brag about their human rights, rights of having weird sex orientation etc etc but they really protect and uphold the so called children rights. After all, it's children. You just can't have mutual consent about having sex with kids. Without further ado, these are the reason

  • Too much cute prepubescent kids become actor and actress and indirectly producer use them as attraction of their movies and dramas. Too much exposure of minor cuteness. 
  • Even popular and straight looking actress carry anywhere cute prepubescent girl like an accessories and exploiting the cute girl and looking proud of it.
      • Prepubescent boy singer with girl voices keep alluring gays and and post-pubescent female (you know who). A voice can even stimulate the menopause women.
      • More and more prepubescent kids style and wear adult fashion and start looking like mature adult. This give the paedophile chances to fantasise and live in self denial that they are actually normal.
      • Actress shamelessly show immoral act with prepubescent kid in front of media and indirectly send the message of "Saya paedophile,saya ok"  

      # Santa is the biggest pedobear.

      Saturday, January 22, 2011

      Male or Female

      Make your guess now dear homosapiens 
      My current Facebook profile picture

      Am I a male or female? Haha. I'm currently addicted to Japan famous TV series, Liar Game. This series that were adapted from a manga succesfully make me dizzy and confused while finishing the two seasons in just two days. To be exact it's actually two nights guys. This is a story of a naive and kind girl who 'accidentally' involve in Liar Game Tournament which objective to find the Liar King. How in the hell would a naive girl survive in the reckless and lyish environment in the whole wide world. Thanks to a psychology student which also a pro swindler help, she survive the first round but still stuck in the tournament.

      If you feel bored n looking for something heavy but entertaining but non-drama and want to be creative and tricky as much as you can while deceiving people, this is a story I would recommend to you guys. You won't get dissapointed. The story play is so mysterious but yet twisting, full of facts and brainy stupendous. But please make sure you have all the episodes and every seasons before you start watching or you will just end up just like me. I apparently don't have the final stage season thingy and now I'm suffering from depression. Look at my mood at the sidebar. 

      # So, have you reached your verdict?

      Saturday, January 15, 2011

      Lulz of The Day #3

      Click on the picture for better view

      This is a print screen picture from my previous entry. Im amaze with this comment. Well after all, it is true that we should put History as a compulsory subject to pass SPM. You can check this link to view the comments.

      Thursday, January 13, 2011

      Pernah Ke Sultan Berdoa Untuk Rakyat?

      Gua jumpe ni dekat PayaBesarPedas. Nice one! Sebab esok Hari Keputeraan Yang di-Pertuan Besar Negeri Sembilan. Gua pon ade kena mengena dengan Negeri Sembilan. Gua selalu lepak Nilai. Bukan Nilai 3 tapi Bandar Baru Nilai. Gua suke gila dengan coretan hati ni.

      Esok ialah hari lahir tuanku
      Esok semua orang kena cuti
      Tapi aku kena kerja jugak.
      Perasankah tuanku
      Esok juga ialah hari Jumaat?

      Jumaat lepas aku telah ditemukan dengan rakyatmu yang macam aku jugak;

      Miskin, takde kabel, anak bini sakit dan terdesak.
      Namun,  bila ditanya, katanya pada raja kita kena taat.

      Jumaat sebelumnya aku sedang memandu di jalan raya,

      Terpaksa bawak slow sebab minyak keta kering giler.
      Sampai di stesen minyak, duit spare terpaksa aku guna. 
      Yang dapatnya tak sampai separuh tangki sebab petrol dah naik harga.

      Jumaat sebelum-sebelumnya, aku sedang berpanas di atas bumbung rumah orang sebab nak pasang awning. Setelah susah payah, siaplah sudah dan dapatlah baki bayaran dari pelanggan. Tak sampai 3 jam,
      duit itu habis kugunakan nak beli barang keperluan yang kekontangan.

      Pernah beberapa kali aku nak bersalam dengan tuanku lepas solat Jumaat,

      Tapi sebab pakaianku tak kemas agaknya, aku tenggelam oleh deretan jawatankuasa masjid, datukdatuk dan mangkuk-mangkuk yang nak menyium tangan tuanku.

      Pernah beberapa kali aku
      cuba nak berkomunikasi denganmu sebelum aku berputu asaan. Tapi tak sapa yang tahu alamat, email atau akaun FB kau. Rumah tuanku pun jauh dari pintu gate. Pasti tuanku takkan dengar laungan salamku pada petang itu.

      Setiap Jumaat kami doakan kesejahteraanmu

      Khatib tu akan ditukarkan kalau dia tak buat begitu.
      Takkanlah takde seorang dari 40 orang ini yang doanya makbul?
      Selalu aku tertanya dalam hatiku,

      Sedang tanganku yang hina ini menadahkan amin untukmu:

      Pernahkah tuanku berdoa untuk kami?
      Pernahkah tuanku FIKIRKAN tentang kami?

      Esok ialah hari lahir tuanku
      Aku akan doakan kesejahteraanmu buat kali terakhir
      Kerana selepas itu,
      Semua ini tiada erti lagi padaku.

      Daulat Tuanku
      Aku sudah putus asa denganmu
       Original story is here

      #  Harapan tinggal harapan. Macam hari tu gua ade mengharap, mungkin tak kesampaian. Yeah, hope is for losers. Gua pon terpikir jugak. Kalau kita berdoa dengan ada niat untuk orang lain mendoakan untuk diri kita, bukan ke itu dah kira tak ikhlas. Tapi gua pon ada terpikir, kita buat amal semua-semua sebab kita nak pahala, itu pun dikira tak ikhlas ke?

      Wednesday, January 12, 2011

      Punca Nahas Di Malaysia

      #Lepas ni kena buat punca masalah kanak-kanak hilang and paedophile makin berleluasa (betol ke eja ni?) Dear readers, please alert dan carilah adik Adam Shah yang hilang. Sila lihat sidebar.

      Random Picture From Google #4

      This is how it works,I will randomly search interesting images from Google with specific keyword then I'll just post it here. Enjoice!

      Keyword of the day: SERABUT

      No, I don't look like this.

      You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try' 
      by Homer Simpson 

      Monday, January 10, 2011

      Paip Getah dan Paip Berkepala Semburan

      Paip berkepala keseksaan

      Nama entry dah macam nak promote kedai hardware pulak. Haha. Gua nak cerita hari ini pasal paip getah atau nama glamour-nye getah paip. Either way. Gua nak cerita jugak pasal paip besi yang ade kpale bersemburan ni. Gua tak tahu nama die apa. Sorry, gua tak tahu kenapa bila hari Isnin gua akan terbuat entry kene mengena dengan tandas starting dengan entry Nature's Call ni. So semalam bapak gua dengan penuh skill telah install paip besi yang siap ade kepala boleh bersembur ni. Gua balik-balik rumah memandang set kpale paip yang baru tu dengan penuh hampa, benci dan menyampah. 

      Gua cukup benci paip yang sebegini rupa. Kalau gua jumpe paip sebegini dekat tandas-tandas awam 80% confirm gua akan cancel niat nak membuang time tu jugak. Paip ini bagi sesiapa yang sedia tidak maklum akan membuatkan seseorang itu akan merasa bersyukur terhadap kewujudan conventional style getah paip. Sebab apa? Sebab paip getah lebih mudah, praktikal, selesa, dan tidak menyeksakan anus-anus anda sekalian.

      Bagi gua kepedihan yang berlaku di anus gua akibat water pressure air yang diakibatkan paip berkepala bersemburan ini amatlah menyakitkan sebab air yang keluar dari kepala paip ini tinggi kadar tekananya. Sangat pedih sampai kadang-kadang sampai kebas gila anus gua. Paip ini juga mengakibatkan air memercik dengan tidak semena-mena dan amatlah susah untuk mengawal kadar kepercikan tersebut Hal ini demikian kerana paip ini mempunyai tahap penyalarasan water pressure yang amat susah untuk dikendalikan mahupun untuk mereka-mereka yang amat expert dalam bidang plumbing. Bila korang tekan je part paip yang untuk mengeluarkan air tu mesti akan terlebih tekan dan air akan keluar dengan kadar kepantasan yang amat tinggi. Bila time nak tembak je air tu dekat anus mesti akan memadam memori kepuasan membuang air besar yang merupakan salah satu nikmat dunia bagi gua. Pedih wo. Dah la air tu memercik ke sana-sini. Entah boleh sembahyang ke tidak lepas tu. Amat tidak selesa dibuatnye.

      Kepala paip yang bergetah paip

      Getah paip setahu gua kalau dekat hostel merupakan antara perkara yang akan disimpan sebagai hakta persendirian dalam loker-loker pelajar kerana getah paip amatlah selalu tiada disaat amat memerlukannye. So bila diperharta persendiriankan pegawai asrama mesti akan guna besi bulat yang digunakan untuk mengetatkan getah paip di kepala paip akibat frust sebab getah paip selalu hilang. Tapi, kes-kes kehilangan getah paip still akan berlaku kerana dimana ada kemahuan,disitu ada jalan. Getah paip bagi mereka yang masih tidak sedia maklum lebih mudah digunakan kerana mudah diselaraskan kadar tekanan airnye. Guna jari pon boleh. Jari kaki sekali pun. So bila nak beristinjak tidaklah akan membuat seseorang itu merasa kepedihan, keseksaan, kegeraman malah kekebasan. 

      All in all,bila water pressure di tempat berkumuh anda berada ditahap amat tidak memuaskan, dan seperti anda merasakan urine anda lebih laju kadar kepancutanye daripada water pressure paip air, kedua-dua alat ini agak kurang tahap kredibilitinye. Kalau paip berkepala bersembur tu air hanya akan meleleh seolah-olah lelaki tua yang kalenjar prostatnya sudah terlalu membesar sedang membuang air kecil. Tetapi jika anda menggunakan getah paip,anda mungkin boleh mengangkat paip itu setinggi yang boleh untuk mengumpul atau menakung air sebanyak yang mungkin dan menjatuhkan paip tersebut kembali untuk mengeluarkan air yang telah ditakung dalam paip. Itu pun kalau paip tu panjang. Gua yakin ramai yang pernah cuba trick ini. Jgn nak tipulah. Dan gua tahu ramai yang kat luar sana bila masuk tandas awam mesti akan basuh dulu paip getah tu sebelum guna. ;-)

      Ingatlah, kebersihan itu adalah sebahagian dari iman. Sebahagian tu gua tak tahu berapa percent pulak.  So lepas ni gua tak nak guna dah bilik air yang ade paip jilaka tu. Gua guna bilik air satu lagi. Setakat paip camtu bwat basuh toilet sesuai lah. Kalau nak buat basuh anus silap haribulan boleh buasir gua. Bagi mereka-mereka yang masih lagi belum sempat mencuba paip berkepala keseksaan ini silalah cari dimana-mana tandas awam yang berdekatan dengan anda. Selamat mencuba!

      Image credit to: 
      # Gua lebih rela cebok dengan gayung.

      Friday, January 7, 2011

      Lulz of The Day #2

      Was found by a friend of my friend at a temple in Korea

      The way Malaysian answer a question


      Thursday, January 6, 2011

      Football Football Football

      Si kacak
      Nampak sangat suka BJ
      Chelsea continue shitting in their shorts. They deserve that chelshit name. Itu Drogba boleh teros menyanyikan lagu jika kau fikirkan kau boleh. Seri kalah seri kalah. Nasib baik itu Wolve tak score. Ramires bak kata member gua ada special relationship dengan Ancelotti. Gua tak taw apa special relationship dorang tu. Main mcm cibs pon boleh listed dlm lineup. Paling malang Liverpol. Kena 3 dengan Blackburn.  Itu Gerrard keje bagi gol sagu hati je. Dah la miss penalty. Haish. Haiyo Hogson, pergi balik mandi bunga la. Dah boleh-boleh dah ko resign. Tak malu ke? Dah la tak kacak. Nasib baik ko tak ambik itu Benitez jadi assistant. Kalau tak korang akan jadi sejarah Liverpool. Sama macam fan Liverpool yang sandarkan pada kenangan. Menang banyak kali tak bermakna akan menang banyak kali. Yang penting macam mana korang bangun dan mengekalkan kemenangan dan macam mana korang bangkit dari kekalahan. Ter-cliche la plak. Nevermind,you'll never walk alone because you'll always have your history and memories. Itu Arsenal and Man City gua tak tahu nak cakap apa. The whole game is bullshit. Man City yang tak ada Silva, Adebayor and Balotelli tu pon Arsenal tak boleh nak titik. Tapi Nasri n Wilshere main best. Itu si rambut remos Persie da boleh hantar jadi weed seller dekat Amsterdam. The worst part Zabaleta and Song kena red card. Wadehel. Standard la player manje-manje gesek dahi sampai keluar api. Zabaleta chill je peluk Sagna ondeway kluar pitch. Btw, Van Der Vaart, the blame is not on you. All in all,

      Sunderland, Newcastle, Blackburn, Everton, you guys make my day!

      Tuesday, January 4, 2011

      Friend's Assignment On Modernise, Rude and Obscene Romeo and Juliet Play

      I was online with my Facebook yesterday then I read on my friend's status. 

      How the hell do you make 'Romeo n Juliet' sound rude, modern and obscene?

      Then I commented on the status asking about the script and offering my help on rephrasing and rewriting of the play. She gave me the link and I rephrase and rewrite some of the play. Luckily not the whole play because she said her lecturer wanted only a the dirty scene from the play. It was hard I tell you. There was 3 scenes and I only managed to make it modern, rude and obscene for only 50% of the scenes. For those who never read Romeo and Juliet play, you guys should Google it then compare with my version. Watch out for the (cant help) that I wrote in the script. That means I failed to rewrite the script. Lulz. Apology for making the script in .jpeg form. Credit to Shakespeare.

      Act 1, Scene 1
      Act 1, Scene 3 (nurse part only)
      Act 2, Scene 1
      # You jump, I jump, we die. Stupid dum dum!

      Sunday, January 2, 2011

      Apakah Sultan dan Raja-Raja Melayu Tidak Punya Perasaan Malu

      Kerajaan Rakyat: Apakah Sultan dan Raja-Raja Melayu Tidak Punya Perasaan Malu
      Rakyat Malaysia dan mungkin juga Indonesia hampir saban hari berbicara tentang kes rogol yang didakwa dilakukan oleh seorang pemimpin kerajaan Malaysia bertaraf menteri. Kes yang mula dibongkar oleh laman WikiLeaks ini mengisahkan perbuatan rogol yang didakwa berlaku sekitar tahun 2007 oleh seorang menteri dalam barisan kabinet, bekas presiden Umno yang juga pengasas Islam Hadhari, Dato' Seri (Tun) Abdullah Badawi. Sebelum saya terlupa, apa sudah jadi dengan Islam Hadhari? Berjuta ringgit wang rakyat telah dihabiskan oleh kerajaan Umno/BN untuk mewar-warkan Islam Hadhari, akhirnya ia lenyap bersama hangusnya wang rakyat!!! Apakah mereka yang menyokong Umno/BN masih buta?

      Seakan menjadi dasar orang politik hanya pandai bermain kata, menabur janji dan berpura-pura. Sikap ini tidak menjadi pelik lagi dalam senario politik negara. Saya telah lali dengan sandiwara ini.

      Persoalannya sekarang, apakah raja-raja dan Sultan Melayu yang ramai di negara ini juga beramal dengan sikap berpura-pura? Katanya Sultan ditintakan sebagai ketua agama Islam dan payung kesejahteraan rakyat. Apakah sebagai ketua agama Islam, para sultan tidak menyedari hal yang sedang rancak diperdebatkan oleh rakyat? Apakah para Sultan tidak sensitif kepada perasaan dan kebimbangan rakyat?

      Saya mohon kepada para Sultan, jika benar kalian sebagai payung kesejahteraan rakyat, sila campurtangan dalam masalah rakyat ini. Para sultan, ingatlah gaji, elaun dan segala kemewahan kalian adalah hasil daripada titik peluh rakyat yang disalurkan melalui cukai kemudian dijadikan sebagai habuan bulanan buat semua para sultan dan raja-raja Melayu hidup dalam serba kemewahan. Para sultan, tolonglah bersama kami leraikan kekusutan keinginan rakyat ini.

      Rakyat Malaysia berasa malu kerana ada kalangan menterinya yang menjadi perogol. Soalnya apa para raja dan sultan Melayu yang katanya sebagai ketua agama Islam tidak punya perasaan malu dan hanya mendiamkan diri dalam isu besar ini? Cukuplah dengan perangai Siti Aisyah yang berperangai buruk dan memalukan."

      Original story here.

      # I have nothing to say. It's time for them to act! For the people. Gua bukan kisah ade amah Indonesia kena rogol dengan menteri ke,ape ke. Yang penting keadilan ditegakkan,diluruskan, dibongkarkan dan segala macam di. Sampai bila nak duduk goyang kaki pergi tonton bola sana-sini, jadi Presiden persatuan itu-ini, konon bagi sedekah pkai duit sendiri, tapi perubahan untuk rakyat banyak macam tahi dekat celah gigi. Tunjukkanlah fungsi anda kerana setiap manusia dimuka bumi ini ade tujuan dan fungsi Jangan hanya bersinggahsana berhari-hari dan bercuti-cuti. Patik menjunjung kasih tuanku yang dihati!

      Saturday, January 1, 2011

      11,10, 12,20 it just another increasing number

      Nothing much.

      # I'm surprise with TV3 tonight. They don't hide the truth about what are the first two states who introduce the no-plastic-bag day which later become the KPDNHEP project.Hide no more please.