Friend's Assignment On Modernise, Rude and Obscene Romeo and Juliet Play

I was online with my Facebook yesterday then I read on my friend's status. 

How the hell do you make 'Romeo n Juliet' sound rude, modern and obscene?

Then I commented on the status asking about the script and offering my help on rephrasing and rewriting of the play. She gave me the link and I rephrase and rewrite some of the play. Luckily not the whole play because she said her lecturer wanted only a the dirty scene from the play. It was hard I tell you. There was 3 scenes and I only managed to make it modern, rude and obscene for only 50% of the scenes. For those who never read Romeo and Juliet play, you guys should Google it then compare with my version. Watch out for the (cant help) that I wrote in the script. That means I failed to rewrite the script. Lulz. Apology for making the script in .jpeg form. Credit to Shakespeare.

Act 1, Scene 1

Act 1, Scene 3 (nurse part only)

Act 2, Scene 1

# You jump, I jump, we die. Stupid dum dum!